Tukate Weight - The First Step!

From being a single mom, actually a 'fat' single mom. It really does not matter what is said, sometimes, we are not plus size, we are just, maybe unhealthy!

It hurts I know, and as much as we push to put a smile on a chubby face when our blood pressure reads 190/90 - it is too much an effort to keep a straight face.

I started my weight loss journey about a year ago. I had struggled for about 2 years to remain consistent with what I really wanted. And in between being broken, confused, and overweight, there was always Kamau and Jose somewhere there eyeing my imbalanced self.

And as imbalanced as I was, Kamau knew how to balance me, and when he dropped me....even landing on my own two feet was a problem.

And after having had enough rendevous with Mikey, I decided to redirect my thoughts to a more long term goal. What I call today my #TukateWeight Project.

The first phase, as Coach Jeff would say, 'It is all in the mind'

Set your mind right. In rugby, we used to say,' Mind over Body'

All these terminologies make sense. In brief, you got to do, what you've got to do!

It's been a 10-month journey, rediscovering myself, failing and getting up, falling for Kamau (again, dumb move) but as long as my mind remains fixed on #tukateweight. No matter what, you get up, even with a broken heart, or a broken limb - you work that body and sweat it out!

So part 1 Tukate Weight: Get your mind in check!

The real entity

I never understood the real issues of single mothers until I became one.

It's only natural to worry that no one wants to date a single mother, but you need to pump up your positivity, says Parents Magazine.

In my experience, the phases of a sort of depressed life have changed progressively into a blooming flower, or a beautiful butterfly from an unattractive caterpillar.

At first, I could not take the rejection. Not to tussle a laying feather, but clearly my tribe did not resonate well with the in-laws. Movies lie! He never chose me, he chose the 5 acre piece of land that they were threatening to withdraw from his inheritance, if he settled for anything less than Masinde or Injera or better yet, Kim from Ireland.

It was painful. Going back home to incarcerate my parents to help me raise my now fatherless child. And did I mention I was jobless? It was 3 months of worry, nursing a wound and counting my losses, then 3 months of Bible Study, seclusion and personal reevaluation. 6 months of being under and struggling to see the light in a very dark room.

At last the light, as I walked into the westlands office to start a new job, it was a stepping stone in the right direction. The housegirl drama of course never seizes, but an incredible team of powerful communication ladies, held my hand.

The weight though! With a great heritage of carrying mass, the struggle continues. I have tried Mukami, Just Gym it but I trust Pat Fitness. See you in 3 months.

Dating, I run away. Settled for sponsors and potentials, nothing intimate, nothing serious, but recently, I met what I want, but certainly cannot have.

The real entity, is what He says, His plans for you are to prosper and not to fail.

A Letter To My Future Daughter

Dear {still unsure of your name}

Greetings from the years when you are just a thought, and your conception not yet a plan made. The years when me, your mother, is young and going through the final stages of my youth. I write this letter to you at this time, because it is at this time that I know and feel how you feel or will feel about yourself when reading this my letter.

If you are reading this, you must be in your early teens, when you think I am such a bugger boo and you do not want to talk to me. I understand, I was there also just ask your grand mother and Aunt Carol they will tell you all about it. I hope by now you are acknowledging that as I write this I am in the same position you are in, in whatever year it is.

I must tell you that the genes in our family are very strong and am therefore almost 80% sure that you are a chubby girl. I write to you my love to help you at this time.

Being chubby as I like to call it, is not a bad thing at all, and let no one tell you any different. I am at this time chubby and when I tell you what I am about to, just know that I am talking from experience, so be prepared.

I hope you know that the fairest of all ladies in the 18th century Lilly Langtry was about 180 pounds, that is about 90kilograms, you are probably around 70kg, so just imagine if at her time she was 20 kg more than you, and she was the most beautiful, then you must be just as good my dear.

I will not lie my love, your youth years will be your most difficult, I write to you to prepare you because I love you and would not want any harm to come upon you.

You may have started noticing that you are slowly changing, your physique you’re curvier and your skin has started to glow more than some of your friends. Do not worry sweetheart, it is normal for you as it is for me know when I write this.

By now there are those that call you fat others plus size others overweight, do not take it personal, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, just the same way you think some people are malnutrition, others skinny and others slim. Just note that each has a different meaning, being fat means you’re gluttonous, being plus size means you’re big in size but healthy and being overweight means that you’re BMI{body mass index} is imbalanced, that is your height does not support your weight{but you can handle that}.

If you do your research well my love, you will find out that women never valued skinniness and only started to value it, to literally fit into a society that was male dominated, they wanted to “occupy less space” because of their insecurities to male chauvinism. If , as I write this letter to you my dear, the Constitution of Kenya has increased women rights and representation in running the country , so I can only hope that the country is being run by a lady and that Thika Road is not the only super highway. I mean, there is no need to “occupy less space” so no need to be skinny, accept you the way you are.

Let no one mock you and put you down because of your genes my love. At this time I write to you, I have not only swum in the national team but have climbed Mt. Longonot and also hopefully will climb Mt. Kenya before I plan for your birth. Yes my dear, at my 70 something kilogram, so there is nothing you cannot do, so get up off that couch and start working yourself. Yes my dear, you will sweat more than your counterparts and have to put in more effort but it will all be worth it. So what if you sweat more, if today we have products that can help with that I can only imagine what you have.

Clear Creative Photography

Yes I know you have started noticing “XY chromosome species”. It is also normal at this time of your life. It will also not be an easy task my love, but I tell you, you will come out of it stronger than when you went in. I am not sure what the species of your time is like but of my time, they are not like in your grandmothers time or my grand mothers time, but be aware that what I may go through with the species may not be similar to you, but like I said I want you to be prepared, if the species is lowering your esteem, then just know it is not right. NO ONE is supposed to lower your self respect and esteem my love, especially not of the species, and I believe you have brothers “make use of them” in your favour against………..

Black species like chubby girls than other species, that’s the perception that people in my society have, but it is not a proven fact, so my baby girl, if you fall and its not black do not hold back, there is no greater joy in ones life than proving the majority wrong, you have the power to do so my dear, but tread carefully, another perception Is that the broke of the species also like chubby chubby to feed on their low self esteem, but with high esteem girl, you will never have to deal with this.

Queen Latifah at this time is not only chubby chubby but is also the richest chubby chubby lady in the world. She is ranked first in the plus size celebrities others including Model Kate Moss and Model Tacara. She is an actress, musician and model; I used Google to get this, whatever internet search device you have you can look them up. I build my confidence from such knowledge, that though Queen Latifah went through a tough childhood as an obese girl, she came out of it, not slimmer but bigger in her heart and in her mind. My dear I pray you find knowledge not only in my letter but in some other person that will help guide you, for you are not alone in this stage.

Please do not give me a grand daughter at the wrong time, I believe that I am still young at heart when your are young physically…..I want things to go right for you, not perfect but right, and giving me a grand child out of wedlock is not something I would want for you my daughter.

Sometimes my love, you will hurt and feel low, just know that I went through it and so did Queen Latifah and Aunt Carol. I hope that now you know when I will start insisting on asking what is the matter with you and you want to bang the door on my face, its not that I want to bother you, it is that I Love you and I care, and I want things to go right for you, but maybe I deserve it, I did the same to your grandmother. Its karma I guess.

I know you must be multi talented, I am and so is your grandmother, the genes again I say. Don’t be too proud because my love, pride comes before a fall, but let it be the basis of your strength and purpose in life, you have the gift use it do not abuse it. I walk past a lame man on the street every morning on my way to work, yes my dear, am working already, maybe if you took sometime and lose the attitude and come and talk to me I will tell you lots about me that you may not know, just ask my love. Every morning, I find the man in the same position, with a smile on his face begging me and others for a shilling to help him out. I do sometimes give him other times I just say hi to him. Imagine my dear, He is lame and in a lot of hardships but he can still manage a smile, in the morning when he may not even have eaten breakfast let alone diner. If you can walk, talk, dance, run, swim, and earn a living then what would be the reason not to smile? I ask myself this question every day, ask yourself and find an answer……….

I started with the hard times dear, so that by the end of reading this letter you will be smiling. So much good will come out of your youth just as it is coming out of mine. You will meet great people, great friends and have good times with them. Your Aunt Sophie, am hoping  is still alive and kicking and that she is still my best friend, we had some good times me and her, we cried together laughed together and sometimes fought but at the end we still came out closer. Value your friends my dear, but take note of true friends, untrue friends and quittances. One thing I tell you my dear, is that true friends will always show themselves, you will just know. Those people who just want your resources and you only want theirs bring no value to your life.

I am having fun in my youth my dear, living each day as if it is my last. When I love dear, I love with all my heart, and I am very happy when doing so.

It is fun to have fun in your youth but do it responsibly, because too much of everything is dangerous you know.

Just a few words from my big heart my daughter, I hope after you read this you will run into my arms. Just know I will embrace you no matter the time of day or night.

I have not started planning for you my love, but just know you are already somewhere in me: I am yet to find you, maybe in……….. Only God knows when.

With Lots of Love,

Your Mother.

I AM JUST LIKE THEY ARE…..!OR IS IT?

There is nothing as great as being cared, that genuine care that you get from friends, because well family, they have to care. I mean, I have my pals and I just care genuinely that I would not want any wrong to happen to them, ultimate success in everything that they do. I know some of them genuinely care for me too, but after reading this post,

“Some people don’t, love you; they don’t even care about you. They just want to stay connected to you. They love the BENEFITS SO THEY DO MINIMAL …. A little phone call here and there, just checking in on you. What they are really doing is maintaining the CONNECTION, so when they need/want you, they have a way in!”

  

I thought to myself, Am I the victim or the culprit and realized we all in some way or another fall in both categories.

I call these people acquaintances, to me, but what do those who take me in this way call me? Long Distance Friend, FWB, That girl from so and so….

What goes around comes around, therefore, if I treat people in this way and so I shall be treated, but I have decided with this new-year, I will scrap them off my list, so let me wait and see who scraps me off as well….

Good day.

PLUS SIZE GIRL BEWARE OF SUCH…

Let me start by saying woooh! What a crazy weekend that was…not just crazy but extremely random and fun might I add thanks to team-mates and friends that graced the day. A simple training day turned into a swimming afternoon and a party night, talk of things falling in place one after another and mark you, we had no swimming costumes, we just rocked our underwear and sport bras to the pool and we looked fab. (I hope so!)

                                         Courtesy of Rosy image

I take a look around and it got me thinking about how we take so many things for granted. Last week I took up the gratitude challenge and managed to do 5 day of positivity and realized I am thankful for just the same things, I did not broaden my thinking. So here I say, if I have met you and we had a blast, thank you for your time.

So on the night out, after a couple of bottles of vodka we hit the party scene. Oh how we danced the night away and since I am now single (I might have forgotten to tell you that, it is now about three weeks) I loved all the attention, and I picked out one fellow (ken, is his name) from the pack of dogs in that club. I might add I picked a handsome one, looks like the drink doesn’t deceive my vision much.

All in all, Ken though a good guy, was not going anywhere with me, what I mean is, that our friendship would be short lived, I was not looking for a eternity friendship, those few moments did enough for me, but I left him a souvenir. Just guess what it was …you would laugh your head off!

To make the story short, it has come a time when I need not someone to be my companion. I do not need a dude at the club, or the game or any place actually. If myself please me, and I fulfil myself, THAT IS ALL I NEED. But let me tell a little about the guys that you are most likely to be fooled by.

The Athlete

Ever heard of the Kemboi story at a club with a young lady, am sure she thought she was the one for him. The dream and fantasies (Boston, London, all the countries he travels too) that were in her mind must have overtaken her reality (am just saying) not just her but many at times us (plus size) girls are led a stray by the obvious. I always go like “Girl please, He don’t love you” but do we ever listen?

This kind have a way with us…regardless of the sport, they will always deceive, they are sly men (most). It might be the physic or just the money or is it the popularity? You will never miss us ogling and dying to have him take us out. Proof; lets go to Nakuru this weekend, we can testify from there…am not suggesting anything!

They never want anything more than a good scoop, to bad for you if you get pregnant.

                                          Picha/MOHAMMED AMIN Na FRED MAINGI

The Pop star

These ones like the skinny type that would have to make a statement wherever they go. It would be unfortunate (maybe a little bit fortunate) if they are real gentlemen who genuinely fall for women regardless of size (especially plus size). Problem is they would seldom expose you. They feel the need for model kind of girls and I assure you not much of them last (Nick and Mariah for example). Girl do not bother yourself with this kind of man, if you’re plus size, beautiful and confident, do not stoop to his level.

                                          Courtesy of the The Gaurdian

The Club Guy

They often say the bottle guides him, therefore if he falls for you when he is intoxicated than you know, he is a NO NO!!!

I think that picking up a guy from the club (from experience) is the worst thing ever. Reason is, he will only want to meet you in the club; your date will be club oriented and you will talk about nothing except going to the club. Do you really want that, plus size girl. He will lower your self-esteem and make you feel like nothing rather than a club girl, which you are not.

Instead, meet the guy at the club, make him buy you and your pals drinks, have fun with your girlfriends and when home time comes and he is like, “Baby lets go home,” you just turn around and laugh it off, say goodbye and give him your number so he can remember the girl that turned him down.

                                         

                                          Copyright: Wallenrock

Those are the three kind of people, I think, that can really mess up with a plus size girls mind, but remember ladies…you are Phat and Fab…. let no one tell you any different!

Must I make it work?

So after visiting Sub-Way for the very first time about two weeks ago and having a chat with my mentor, I realized that sometimes, in his words, “You do not have to make it work.” Yet, we are constantly trying life and death to make it work (whatever it is).

I realized that when sitting in a chair, in front of a computer for about 8 hours a day doing almost nothing. Yes, I write once in a while but at the end of the month, I feel I have more wasted hours than productive ones, and I am still trying to make it work.

So why do we struggle so much to make it work? The main reason why I do it… I need the money at the end of the month. If I could get the same amount, or better yet more, at the end of every month, well, I would sit in mom’s kitchen eating and watch television all day long but again I have to make it work!

Had I not met the one great mentor of mine, I would never have realised that I was struggling to make irrelevant things work. So am heading into the last month of sitting at a computer for long hours with little production, after all even Mark Zuckerberg did not have to make it work. He did the work.

I feel that, we all get it twisted; we make it work instead of doing the work ourselves. We end up building other people’s companies, instead of struggling to come up with ours. So am setting off to do it for myself, wish me luck!... But then again…

Where will I get the capital to run this ‘work it” of mine? Oh NO! Do not tell me I have to depend on this 8 hour watching the screen thing… Wait!

Mark had no capital (according to the movie) and I believe most people never do when starting up. The main problem with most of us (me included) is that we fear the unknown, we fear letting go of something we are comfortable with, yet we may get something even better if we just have courage.

I always envy my brother who chose to find his own way, he has hustled and got so much experience in production, sales as well as IT, and I am very sure his success story is just about to break.

The rest of us choose an ordinary job.

Brings me back to an interesting talk given by the Kenya Queen of Radio (apparently) Caroline Mutoko, in a hot afternoon at the Kenyatta University Auditorium, though sleepy I managed to get a few points. She said, “I refuse ordinary. Once you accept ordinary, you become ordinary. You look for an ordinary job, an ordinary car, you get an ordinary spouse and an ordinary house. An ordinary life you will have.” So much of that word “ordinary” makes you want to jump off your seat trying to figure out if you are in the ordinary category and how you will get out. Well! I have the answer, take the risk! Quit the fear and the 'ordinariness', and maybe we will reap better fruits.

courtesy of kenyamagazines.com

So watch me take the last steps in this 8-hour screen watching thingy I do, and take the risk. Hopefully I will engage in something that I love to do and enjoy doing it.

Anyone want swimming lessons? Affordable and success rate 100%, give me a call….

My kind of girl-friends!

I was having a splendid conversation with one Dcknight, winger Nondies RFC, about ‘chips funga’ and it got me thinking about the kind of friends that we keep. I mean, “ Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are”.

I have those girlfriends that are always there for me, regardless of whether we meet often or just have coffee once every three months. After all, we are at that stage where everyone is trying to figure out who she will become, and what she will be doing for the rest of her life. So am comfortable with those five pots of coffee every three months at a local café.

I have another set of girlfriends that are more frequent and just as loyal as the first. They tend to be a backbone and are always there when I need them for fun or just to talk to. They are more reserved with the kind of people I associate with, and will never fail to tell me when the man I have picked is as simple as, “Uyo ako down”.

Going out with them is the perfect, why? There is always the watchdog to prevent the rest of the pod, yes I said it pod, from getting “scooped”. Awesome. The fact is, when we are together we are so compatible and well entertained that we need not any other species to help us enjoy ourselves. This is the kind of pod that you can as well drink till you drop. Be sure that you will get home safely, and wake up in your nightdress, almost as if you went to bed by yourself.

I am sure you know about those girlfriends that are good to party with but you become the watchdog; I do that a number of times. You are very afraid that if both of you get too drunk then hell will break loose. These are also the ones that depend on the pod for the drinks, they will insist on getting the 750ml bottle because they know it will keep them going all through the night. They never get ‘chips funguad’ at least not with you, but will get much of the attention from the crowd around. Your night is characterised by, “pole amelewa and wacha ujinga” but you end up having a real laugh and great memories, and meet new people. You will also get some free drinks from the guys she decided to “chokoza” and then run away. These girlfriends have their own level of standards that only they can explain.

 

The bad girl friends are those that depend on other parties to help them get to autopilot. This acclaimed “divas” will dress up and go to the club with their 150 bob, purchase a black-ice or better yet a Guarana or king fisher, sip it for three hours while trying to seduce a fellow from the crowd. Now you, or rather me, her sidekick, is forced to indulge and talk to the fellow’s friend. It is only the two of you at the table; others are getting to know each other through bend over and daggering. Living the club is scheduled for 6 am, as the last four hours were spent on the phone trying to figure out where the leader of your pod had gone. Let us just guess!

If you are a pretty girl am sure you have those friends that will push you to a fellow, insist how they are familiar with the guy and even pace set the conversation for you. They may think you are a bore and getting you occupied with an old guy with a Merc X at the parking is the best way to enjoy the night. They will insist you over indulge taking shots and downing drinks in seconds, to prepare you for the feast you are going to partake, as they enjoy their drinks filling the table.  She must accompany you to the bathroom to ensure you come back to the Merc X-ian table for her to be filled with the drinks and the foods she only dreams of. Her words are more often than not, “ Take one for the team.” We all know what that one is…with the old guy. Lust!

Those are the ones that I know; feel free to add any you have encountered. Open your eyes ladies and see it as it is…